He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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