I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
