theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
