I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
