I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
