drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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