you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
