How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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