I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
