Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
