You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
