I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
