I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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