and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just pee around me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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