That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.