a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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