He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
