There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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