Your face is a jimmy john
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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