That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
