Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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