Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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