New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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