Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
