i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
