I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
