Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
