Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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