I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
