I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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