dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You may now shotgun with the bride
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
