oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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