Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
