what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
