nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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