Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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