Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Couch. On fire.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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