Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
