I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
