Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
