he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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