A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
