Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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