Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
