apparently the secret to your success is patron
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
