When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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