he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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