omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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