Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
