He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
