I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
