I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
