Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
