My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
