I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
