If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
