And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
