i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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