I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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