i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
