yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
