Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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