i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think a kid would responsible me up
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
