So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
