What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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